How are you?

I know I haven't been an active blogger. It's not that I don't have time or the feeling to want to write. On the contrary - each day I think about writing something but I know that what I really want to write about is how crap I've been feeling for many months. It's just that I'm so tired all the time and I feel sick because of my illness. Right now it feels like I want to give up and just let it destroy me from the inside. I don't have the energy nor the willpower to fight this anymore. Who the hell would like to eat ridicolous amounts of medicine per day and not see any signs of getting better? I'm done. My next doctors appointment is on the 20th and that's most likely the day I find out what they have in stored for me. All I know is I just don't want to be sick and feeling like this anymore but that I also don't have the energy to care.. It sucks to even say it out loud or that you can read this, but I wasn't planning on talking about it anyway with anyone, so might aswell write it.
There's been a lot of other stuff going through my mind lately that has bern occupying my head. Mostly stuff that has to do with other people. People who I want and need in my life and those who have slowly faded out from it without it really making a difference.
One thing I would love to be able to control - feelings. My stupid feelings. They make me do and say stuff that a normal person in a normal situation is not supposed to do or say. But I'm pretty sure it happens to all of you.
Oh well maybe it will pass.
But look at this, now I wrote about the sensitive subject and let you all in into my thoughts.